Apples of Gold

1 Kings 19:2 ESV

Then Jezebel sent a messenger to Elijah, saying, “So may the gods do to me and more also, if I do not make your life as the life of one of them by this time tomorrow.”

It had been a long day, working on the house across the road, and I was beat. Shoveling and loading plaster that had the smell of old smoke, mixed with animal refuse/rot, and a little mildew takes its toll. Combine that with all day alone with my fairly negative thoughts and I was exhausted emotionally, physically, and spiritually. Hurrying across the street to start the evening schedule of drop off and pickups for the kids’ activities. I come up from the basement and start walking across the street, and see a truck coming. Upon seeing them I do all I can to not look as I feel. To try and hold the head up, stop the shoulders from drooping, and make sure the feet aren’t shuffling. After all, “it had been a good day, much had been accomplished, progress had been made” I tell myself. Then the head starts coming down, the shoulders drop a little. I put forth a little more effort, the truck is almost to me. It turns out to be the city crew, and they slow down a little. Expecting to hear the words “you look beat” (because I was) instead he says “looks like you're winning” I respond with a few words and they continue on.

Elijah has had a good day. He had returned to his homeland and brought the people of God to a moment of conviction and choice. Challenging the farcical priests of Baal to a showdown of biblical proportion in the face of the largest crowd he could find, he one convincingly. Hearing the chants of the people “The Lord, he is God; the Lord, he is God.” Reverberating in his ears as he remembered being witness to the triumph of Yahweh over such false faith, and seeing as a people prone to wander and idolatry had been brought back to faith and good days ahead. As he came back, he saw the destitute nature of the Land after three years of drought and famine. The dry dusty wind making it hard to see and hard to breath when the wind would kick up a little dirt, the withering trees and shrubs dotting the land, and the animals barely surviving as they can find no food or water. After the “revival” of the people he goes up the mountain and prays, and prays, and prays… seven times, then a cloud appears. He knows that God has broken the drought and rain is coming. After years of dry days, he can smell the wonderful smell of rain! Invigorated he ran, overwhelmed by joy, and carried along by the very spirit of God such that he outran a chariot, a feat that would cause any man to hold his chest out a little more. Then Jezebel speaks. After such a day, why did it matter what such a woman would say? Yet, her words threw the prophet into a tizzy and he must go seek the face of God on his mountain, knowing it all was in vain.

As the truck drove off, it was easier to walk without a shuffle, and I looked back on my work. It didn’t feel like “I was winning”. “Winning” never felt this wearing before. Yet, somehow someone thought I was winning and all the sudden I felt better. The encouragement or discouragement of another is powerful. Dr. Martin Lloyd Jones, in his book Spiritual Depression, notes that we often lie to ourselves and part of fighting for truth is fighting the lies we tell ourselves. All day I had been hearing and reliving the meaninglessness of my effort. “The house was too far gone.” “All the effort was wasted.” “Someone with more experience and better equipment could do better quicker.” “Every effort was a pointless one as slowly and surely degradation would give way and all I would be left with was lipstick on a pig.” Over and over, it would go from the house to my call and back to the house. (My hardest days are ones alone with myself, in case you were wondering.)

Proverbs 25:11 – A word fitly spoken is like apples of gold in a setting of silver.

Coram Deo